The other side of a blessing you are never told about

Greetings from the comfort of my couch to the brightness of your screen!!!

Autumn is finally upon us, and I've started prepping for fall!

It's been two weeks without posting, my apologies for that; I needed to be Iyanla and fix this life I live. Talking about the topic of today, we shall be speaking about the other side of blessings: the non-shiny, oh my word what did I sign up for side of it. 

Have you ever wondered what happens in the process of getting to your promise land? 

Have you ever thought what people actually go through, before we see their victories and hear that they've finally made it to wherever they wanted to get? 

The other side of blessings is often overlooked or not spoken about, because it may discourage some or it's just not as catchy and glamorous really * such a Debbie Downer for the optics*. However, it's that part often not  talked about that shapes us, refines our character and strengthens our tenacity. Hence, the desire to share my story, my other side of the blessing of finally doing/studying what I love. 

Four weeks ago, I began my journey as a fashion design student. I waited for 21 years for this to happen. While I was so ecstatic to finally acquire the knowledge of my preferred field of study/occupation; I had to ensure that my other commitments were also fulfilled. I took it upon myself  to combine working on my Masters' thesis with fashion school, from January until Mid-March (the week of submission). 

Before I started fashion school at the end of February; although exhausted by the pressure of grad school, I was able to focus on one thing at a time and things were sort of working well. However when both things were combined, it wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. 

Most people think that doing art is so easy, that arts students must be chilling for a living. But is it so though? No! 

One of the things that humbled me, is to see how much work goes into fashion design and art in general. I mean after taking a whole afternoon to draw 10 fashion faces as a homework, my perspective had to change real quick.

Anyway...As I was saying...

The early days of  March began and submission week is now around the corner; meanwhile fashion school's homework are coming in like tomorrow won't be no day. Additionally, here I receive a direct message asking me whether I would want to curate the Rwandan twitter account. I welcomed stress into my life with open arms, because the 'Year of Yes' and daring myself to go out of my comfort zone.  Did I make it to the submission day? Yes, I did. But how did that week go? Chaos, friend, chaos! 

Between the trips from the fashion institute to University, volunteering, trying to make it for submission, homework, curating, living life => I ended up with heavy back-pains, my blood pressure fell and a level of fatigue that knocked me out at 6 PM on Friday to only wake up at 9 AM the following day. But still this is not a train smash. 

Nobody had warned me that fashion school required me to buy stationary every other day. As in, I am seriously competing with my 7 years old brother in terms of stationary ownership. That's not even it, I did not know that I would need an additional machine (an overlocker). See my savings pass me.  

Here I find myself, grateful for finally living the dreams but I am definitely broke now. I cannot afford to go out without planning it like an AGM (Annual General Meeting), I cannot sleep as much as I want to if I have to take public transport to school and not just walk there like I used to. Well, we are not even going to talk about shopping, because that will have to be prepared for months in advance just like how long it takes before the fiscal budget is finalized . 

So as I am sitting down and seeing my bank account's balance, the state of my health and the awaiting responsibilities such as blogging, finding ways to acquire capital, volunteering, being a human, etc. It all boiled down to the fact that  "no greatness is birthed without sacrifices". The route to 'making it' is bumpy, the progress is slow too, some sacrifices hard to endure more than others; BUT IT IS WORTH IT whether I know what's ahead or not. As long as giving up is not even an option, faith can/will take me places.

Coat: Online Purchase (Superbalist)

White Jeggings: PnP Clothing

Shirt: Gift

Bag: Aldo 

Sunglasses: Mr Price

Earrings: FIX

Love, light and keep on dreaming and keep on going even when you feel like giving up!

Bodacious!

Hello there!!!!!

It's been a little while since I posted, missy's life has been A MESS HONEY *Wendy William's voice*!!! 

Jokes, it wasn't that bad. It's just a lot of changes all at the same time. Last week I started fashion school, FINALLY (in life though, I have been waiting for this since high school)!!! While that was happening, I was wrapping up with my Master's thesis. Hence the slight delay. 

Le topic du jour  is all about being BOLD and AUDACIOUS--> BODACIOUS  in the way we approach life. If anyone asked me what I would be doing with my life after grad school, I certainly wouldn't  have said fashion design. I thought that fashion design was a course I will probably take in my mid-thirties. I was not even sure for what purpose, how to go about and what to use the new knowledge for, or how things will work out. It was just a dream I had put on the back burner, swallowed up by the demands of grad school, and what used to be the economic reality of Africa back then. By the time I had to go to college, a career as a fashion designer was not fathomable. 

Despite being doubtful and hesitant about my dream few years ago, I knew that one day it will all come true. Although only parts of the dream have become true, I am even more BODACIOUS and fired up about what's in store. These levels of motivation are, however, not solely sourced from  points of passion and excitement. There is also a presence of fear, doubt, apprehension and limitations. The only difference is that I refuse to let those negative feelings inhibit me and chock the life out of my aspirations. It's not that it's easy and that all things are rosy. But if I am doubtful of myself, who would then believe in me? Besides, how sustainable is it to rely on other people's affirmation of who I am, what I am good at and my destiny in general? 

So in the name of the year of YES (yes, I expect you all to have watched Shonda Rhymes TED talk), be bold and audacious about life. Let your prayers be outrageous (if you have not asked, how can you receive?).  Even if God knows your prayers before you say anything, it's important to make the first step in faith and go for it. Reach out to life, shock yourself about how much you can and will accomplish. Slow progress is better than none, so you will definitely get where you want to be. 

Walk away from those who call you out on your dreams, telling you to be more realistic, the vision was never theirs in the first place. Acknowledge the presence of limitations, but don't let them turn into the belief of who you are what you can accomplish. No one was ever great by dwelling on the impossibility of their ideas. Let your faith in God, yourself and your abilities be the promise you hold on to. It will not be easy, but it will sure be worth it. 

Remain resilient and unapologetic about your future!

Dress: Cotton On

Booties: Forever21

Earrings: Klines

Love and light always!

Awesomeness or Awkwardness?

Hello there Kings and Queens!

Can you take a compliment? Do you just say thank you, own your awesomeness or it just feels awkward? So many of us don't know what to do with ourselves when we are given a compliment or good feedback. It's like that small moment of recognition and 'spotlight' is just so uncomfortable that the ground might as well swallow us. The awkward response to a compliment doesn't mean that one needs constant external affirmation either. This is something I find pretty fascinating, because not taking  compliment has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of confidence.

Some compliments such as 'you are beautiful/handsome' are hard to take credit for. I mean, I never heard a painting take credit for the artist that made it. Somehow, beauty to me is not a merit, nobody worked hard to be beautiful and besides it only depends on the beholder. The same feeling of uneasiness occurs when one is congratulated  for academic or professional achievements. The easy way for that person after receiving good feedback for their great work is 'oh no, it's nothing'; yet, it might have taken them sleepless nights and lots of tears to get where they are. Then taking credit for such is taken lightly and mistaken for meekness; and off the giggling match starts or the 'oh stop it, it wasn't that hard anybody could have done it'. However, humility doesn't mean that one has to eclipse their greatness by resorting to self deprecation because it's nicer to sound funny and small (please adhere to being a Kanye of this world). 

There is power in looking a person straight in their eyes and say 'thank you'. Leaving self-doubt behind and taking credit where it's due is important for one's growth. I have an aunt who is a pro at taking compliments and being told nice things. If you compliment her on an outfit she would say thank you, not 'oh this old thing' or 'oh, it's just okay'. After all, saying thank you, owning your awesomeness takes nothing away from you. It only empowers you. So, as I challenge myself to say thank you, I hope that you also open up to (small or big) things that used to make you uncomfortable and own your awesomeness. Don't be frightened by your own light. 

Be a Kanye of this world, enjoy your achievements, see them as great before anyone else does. 

Dress: Moonsoon Clothing

Sandals: Somewhere in Rwanda

Bangles: Inzuki mixed with my own

Life is not microwavable: a lesson on patience

Hello there!!!

In the life of the driven, growth and progress have such a big role in one's wellness and need for self-actualization. As a goal driven person, I tend to believe that if I have done my best, I have done my part, ensured that my work is excellent; then life (or my work) should be equally rewarding. Somehow I may be wrong to treat life like an investments for which the amount invested should provide equal returns. Although, this may work in some cases, there is nothing under the sun that is achieved without struggling and learning to be patient. The truth that life is not microwavable occurred to me this week. 

Currently, I am working on finishing up my masters thesis, and if there is a challenge that is experienced in research it's the amount of set backs one encounters. From the beginning of the project, there is a myriad of uncertainties that one faces: if it's not data availability issues, it's administrative issues, if not supervision issues or for fellow macroeconomists some model stability issues. A lot can happen despite the amount of work one puts in, making the progress look like it's slower than a snail's pace and the target close to unreachable. 

One thing, for sure this feeling of discouragement is shared by many. From the entrepreneur trying to start-up a business, to the parents trying to have a baby, to the guy trying to gain muscles, to the woman waiting on her promotion, to the people waiting on a home-loan approval and the graduate waiting to be employed; basically anybody and everybody with a goal or dream they want to achieve. Somehow, it can get so bad that it feels like a race with no finish line, and despite how much you've tried, there hasn't been anything to show for it. Successful? Not yet. 

So often, the discouragements leads to two things: the temptation of comparison and the act of giving up. 

In a society where everything seems instantaneous, we can easily be mislead. When you look around you may see what you desire owned or achieved by someone else, and start feeling like you are lacking because you are not there yet. If not, you may feel so overwhelmed with desperation and think that since there is nothing to show for it, why not just give up (maybe it was not even meant for me you tell yourself). 

The truth is nothing good, sustainable and true can be seconds-made. There is always a struggle on the other side of a blessing, you may just not able to see it yet but it's there (I joke you not, I prayed to get accepted for this degree). There is no escalator/lift to reaching a goal/target. Success, in whatever you may be doing, is more like walking through a labyrinth to find the exit. Although, the vision may be clear and you are putting one foot in front of the other (progressing), some paths will lead to nowhere (lessons learned), others will lead you closer to the exit and others will get you back to square one (lessons of humility). Even  in the event of all the set backs and the slow progress, you are the ultimate driver to your destination. So don't give up and don't look left and right, fight the temptation and keep a faith-filled tunnel vision. 

Some good ol' reminders of patience:

1. It too Jesus 30 years to start his ministry
2. Oprah launched her OWN network in 2011 at age 57
3. Shonda Rhyme's writing turned into movies and series when she was 32 years old
4. Christian Dior established his brand at age 41
5. Rome was not built in 3 days
6. Noodles actually require 5 minutes in the microwave in order to be cooked

(word'up!)

Bodysuit: Legit

Chinos: Woolworths

Jewelry: Lovisa

Shoes: Fashion Express

Love and light, hey...don't give up, yes you, don't give up! 

Yours is the greatest love you can receive

Hello there beloved!

Valentine's day is around the corner. I thought I could drop some outfit inspiration to the table. As many know the color palette of this specific 'holiday' is centered on red. For some reason though, I feel like it gets obsolete, predictable or perhaps mainstream; so much that if one goes to a dinner date you may find yourself looking like every other person in the room. Well, how about breaking the mold I say? Wear another bright color or all black/white if you may? How about celebrating love, while celebrating yourself as an individual with a particular taste and choice of color. Why follow what everyone else is doing? While those thoughts took over my choice of garment this week, I thought this yellow number would do the trick. I mean, it's bright enough to relate to the joyful, sweet celebration. Plus those floral heels and the red lipstick will do for all the 'romantic' flare.  Since the color was really overpowering, I did not want to overcrowd this piece with a lot of jewelry. When it comes to Valentine's day, I prefer subtlety over anything else. SO, it all boils down to making a statement while wearing a bright color (make your presence felt won't you?) and add little accessories to the mix and ya ready!

While at it, I wanted to touch on the subject of plans or what to do on Valentine's day. As a single girl, I have two options: have fun or sulk through my life. But as a believer of 'self love' and 'making it happen', I say waste no time ---->make it happen for yourself and say no to FOMO. For yours is the greatest love you could ever receive. I don't see what could restrict one to create what they want, seize your life and own it. 

As a decipher these statements for you, I simply mean that you can have tons of fun. I remember my 15 years old self, since I had no puppy-love mate, I just went ahead and bought myself a rose. My friends and classmate laughed at me, but well I was making it happen for myself. If you want something just get it.  Seriously though, grab your friends and go kick it somewhere fun ad have the time of your life. Monday is another day to keep it moving, without binge eating or sobbing okay? Also remember to celebrate the love you have around you, friends and family are a huge blessing, a source of comfort, support and love we ought to be grateful for. Most importantly, celebrate yourself, spoil yourself and realize what  a gift you are!

Dress: Foschini

Heels: Zoom

Earrings: Zuri

Lots of love and thank you for passing by!

Ruling the bars!

Hey my loves, it's Fe-breweryyyyy !!!! 

The month of chocolates, red dresses, black suits and wine, and other nice stuff! 

Seize and own these moments people. Even if you are baeless, grab your homies/girls and go kick it somewhere nice; no time for sulking and whining here (life be too short chil'!). 

So, as I previously mentioned on the blog's social media accounts, today I am spittin' mad bars; for the purpose of exploring all the corners and spots within me which may be housing some type of talent (a soul search gotta be fun). 

Eyes on the fleekness

Watch me flow with grace, I am here to seize greatness

Call upon the congress

Tell them we are on a conquest, align with the vision of the empress

I must confess, beast mode in full effect, what is meekness

Trailblazing all over you, heavyweight champ, check this imprint, thickness

Focused on the hustle, I ain't got no time for fakeness

Riding solo, no time to adhere to your drama, took a detour and left you behind in distress

Letting negativity pass me, beauty and brains thrive on no stress

I may be nice and smiles, but don't take this graceful demeanor for weakness

Time to recover not given, this class has no recess

Get the lesson, it's no call to impress, just express

Keenness to own the crown and empower, things of a princess!

(This is the mean face for control, ya'know)

Crop Top: Mr Price

Skirt: LegitxBoity

Heels: Woolworths

Bag: Aldo

But single is the new black honey!

Hello there!

Au topic du jour is relationship talk. Yes, I dared to venture into those territories fashion bloggers do not really speak about. Somehow, I am a self proclaimed lifestyle blogger too. Well, it's not me; it's the itch  to divert from the main 'thing' that I am doing and explore unfamiliar spheres, while busy with the main 'thing'. Anywho, I want to give my two cents about the 'single' status. 

Most times than not, after the 24 years old threshold,  your Facebook and IG timelines are probably flooded with wedding, engagement and baby pictures . While you might be enjoying yourself witnessing these great things happening in other people's lives; everybody is looking at you whispering that you are next . Like most (close to) mid-twenties humans, you might be subjected to what feels like an interrogation, from your relatives, co-workers and sometimes the church about the existence of a significant other . That time, your wisdom tooth might not have grown out fully or all that is occupying your thoughts is that great nap you will be taking as soon as 'adulting' is over for the day. Furthermore, being in a relationship has skipped you as a priority; you do not see it as a matter of utmost urgency. 

Today’s society seems to look at us single people as lacking, crippled or incomplete beings. In some ways it seems like one has to do some explaining or be apologetic for being single and satisfied. As if the sole purpose of one’s existence is to seek and maintain a relationship. Low and behold if you are not boo-ed up, you must be lost in the sauces. The concept of being single and satisfied does not only sound completely foreign to many,it also sounds almost impossible and unnatural.  

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I am against romantic relationships, marriage, being in love or love as such. Not at all, those things are nice to experience when they are pure and true. It’s beautiful to have someone to love aside of yourself and build a great foundation with them. 

However, how come I am not asked about my dreams, what I want to achieve, where  I see my career going; why is my relationship status the first thing to inquire about? Girls have dreams and goals too, and as much as I want it all, there is a time for everything, now is not the time and I refuse to be apologetic about it. My point is that one should not be frowned upon because having bae is the least of their priorities. So today I want to share three things I believe need to be given more attention, worked on and nurtured before one can bring other people’s children in their storms and confusion. Perhaps, these are also valid points to use as clap backs when cornered....I joke, I joke. 

1. The self

The soul and the self are constantly on a journey. I believe the twenties are the years that make or break you. The good or bad habits formed during those years are most likely to be carried through the rest of your life, as one settles in their identity and develop an ethos. It is a period when a person learns the most, tries, succeed and fails at different things. 

What a time to be alive and 'woke', to read books, travel, learn a new course, a new language, volunteer somewhere, learn a few trap music lyrics to feel yourself  on slow days and chant to a little Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill to enlighten your path. The biggest priority , here, becomes building a strong foundation for the self, first and foremost.

It is also the time to get to know the self, what tickles your fancy, what doesn’t, what personal boundaries you need to impose to protect your sanity and conserve your precious energy and time. It’s the time to enjoy your own company, explore the hidden parts within the self. It is important to understand yourself in order to embrace the whole of you and be the most authentic. You cannot be what you don’t know. 

The Mid-twenties are also the time to fall in love with yourself before anyone else loves you (how cliche and true that is). Yes, it’s the time to take yourself a lil bit more serious, before you become everyone’s joke. To check the type of energy you surround yourself with, whether it adds to your growth and peace or simply deter you. It’s the time to cherish the self, make peace with your past, be selfish with your time, and establish what you want from life. Even if you are not aware of your worth, the fact that you are breathing is all that you need, you have a well of potential, recognise it and guard it. Do not entertain the foolishness, because what you retain remains, be careful about what you settle for. Be kind to the self, be your own dream and best-friend, ride solo for a minute.

2. The Hustle

The hustle is what will get you that coint hunty, you better be aware of that and go get what's yours! It’s the 21^st century, as much as your life partner may be expected to bring the beacon home; you have to also bring the pancakes. The women before us fought for us to have access to education, in order to be financially independent. This financial independence does not fall from heaven like the manna. It requires one to have a clear vision of where they want their career to be in the years ahead. 

Nowadays, it is no longer enough to have a nine to five job, one has to also have a side hustle in order to live comfortably or simply because the future of the economy is  self-employment. Therefore,  it’s important to figure out ways to unleash that beast, use all your potential and  make it financially rewarding for you. 

Like my grandma taught my mother and I, “umuntu arigira yakwibura agapfa”, which translates into if you can’t rely/provide for yourself, you lose yourself; if you lose yourself, you die. Yes that's a little extreme, but what a wake up call?! 

Lastly, It’s never too early to save or invest, so work on achieving your dreams and equipping yourself with the required resources. This time of singleness is the only time where you will not have to think about anyone else but yourself, before you take that job miles away, decide to venture into business or just splurge; such will change few years down the line with a couple kids and a spouse, 

3. The Health

You attract what you are. The last area to work on while single is one’s health. When single, one has less responsibilities compared to the married couples and parents. This the time to set a standard for the type of life you want to live and the quality of life you want to sustain.  So it’s important to take care of your emotional, physical and mental health.I, for one, rely on music, spirituality and sleep for my mental health. There is nothing like a 15 hours night sleep. This is the type of thing I am not so ready to compromise in the future, hence single does it for me right now thank you. 

Additionally, set the tone for others: don’t hold on to those who project negativity or those who try to pull you down, miss them with the ignore button and keep it moving. Don’t even engage in such foolery; do not give them the time and day to participate in unnecessary drama.

In terms of emotional health, learn to be emotionally independent. Work on healing childhood wounds or other hurts and trauma you may have gone through. See someone, journal, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Forgive those who hurt you, including yourself. Learn the difference between being kind and being taken advantage of, the difference between compromising and complying. Leave the baggage behind and walk light.

 Lastly in terms of physical health, treat your body like a temple, mind what you put in it. Moisturize, hydrate and use the time you have to be active and fit. 

Keep a tunnel vision, breathe, stress not, fret not, worry not, it’s not a race or a competition! Enjoy being your own bae dammit!

Yours in satisfied singleness

Gladiators: Uzuri K&Y