But single is the new black honey!

Hello there!

Au topic du jour is relationship talk. Yes, I dared to venture into those territories fashion bloggers do not really speak about. Somehow, I am a self proclaimed lifestyle blogger too. Well, it's not me; it's the itch  to divert from the main 'thing' that I am doing and explore unfamiliar spheres, while busy with the main 'thing'. Anywho, I want to give my two cents about the 'single' status. 

Most times than not, after the 24 years old threshold,  your Facebook and IG timelines are probably flooded with wedding, engagement and baby pictures . While you might be enjoying yourself witnessing these great things happening in other people's lives; everybody is looking at you whispering that you are next . Like most (close to) mid-twenties humans, you might be subjected to what feels like an interrogation, from your relatives, co-workers and sometimes the church about the existence of a significant other . That time, your wisdom tooth might not have grown out fully or all that is occupying your thoughts is that great nap you will be taking as soon as 'adulting' is over for the day. Furthermore, being in a relationship has skipped you as a priority; you do not see it as a matter of utmost urgency. 

Today’s society seems to look at us single people as lacking, crippled or incomplete beings. In some ways it seems like one has to do some explaining or be apologetic for being single and satisfied. As if the sole purpose of one’s existence is to seek and maintain a relationship. Low and behold if you are not boo-ed up, you must be lost in the sauces. The concept of being single and satisfied does not only sound completely foreign to many,it also sounds almost impossible and unnatural.  

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I am against romantic relationships, marriage, being in love or love as such. Not at all, those things are nice to experience when they are pure and true. It’s beautiful to have someone to love aside of yourself and build a great foundation with them. 

However, how come I am not asked about my dreams, what I want to achieve, where  I see my career going; why is my relationship status the first thing to inquire about? Girls have dreams and goals too, and as much as I want it all, there is a time for everything, now is not the time and I refuse to be apologetic about it. My point is that one should not be frowned upon because having bae is the least of their priorities. So today I want to share three things I believe need to be given more attention, worked on and nurtured before one can bring other people’s children in their storms and confusion. Perhaps, these are also valid points to use as clap backs when cornered....I joke, I joke. 

1. The self

The soul and the self are constantly on a journey. I believe the twenties are the years that make or break you. The good or bad habits formed during those years are most likely to be carried through the rest of your life, as one settles in their identity and develop an ethos. It is a period when a person learns the most, tries, succeed and fails at different things. 

What a time to be alive and 'woke', to read books, travel, learn a new course, a new language, volunteer somewhere, learn a few trap music lyrics to feel yourself  on slow days and chant to a little Erykah Badu and Lauryn Hill to enlighten your path. The biggest priority , here, becomes building a strong foundation for the self, first and foremost.

It is also the time to get to know the self, what tickles your fancy, what doesn’t, what personal boundaries you need to impose to protect your sanity and conserve your precious energy and time. It’s the time to enjoy your own company, explore the hidden parts within the self. It is important to understand yourself in order to embrace the whole of you and be the most authentic. You cannot be what you don’t know. 

The Mid-twenties are also the time to fall in love with yourself before anyone else loves you (how cliche and true that is). Yes, it’s the time to take yourself a lil bit more serious, before you become everyone’s joke. To check the type of energy you surround yourself with, whether it adds to your growth and peace or simply deter you. It’s the time to cherish the self, make peace with your past, be selfish with your time, and establish what you want from life. Even if you are not aware of your worth, the fact that you are breathing is all that you need, you have a well of potential, recognise it and guard it. Do not entertain the foolishness, because what you retain remains, be careful about what you settle for. Be kind to the self, be your own dream and best-friend, ride solo for a minute.

2. The Hustle

The hustle is what will get you that coint hunty, you better be aware of that and go get what's yours! It’s the 21^st century, as much as your life partner may be expected to bring the beacon home; you have to also bring the pancakes. The women before us fought for us to have access to education, in order to be financially independent. This financial independence does not fall from heaven like the manna. It requires one to have a clear vision of where they want their career to be in the years ahead. 

Nowadays, it is no longer enough to have a nine to five job, one has to also have a side hustle in order to live comfortably or simply because the future of the economy is  self-employment. Therefore,  it’s important to figure out ways to unleash that beast, use all your potential and  make it financially rewarding for you. 

Like my grandma taught my mother and I, “umuntu arigira yakwibura agapfa”, which translates into if you can’t rely/provide for yourself, you lose yourself; if you lose yourself, you die. Yes that's a little extreme, but what a wake up call?! 

Lastly, It’s never too early to save or invest, so work on achieving your dreams and equipping yourself with the required resources. This time of singleness is the only time where you will not have to think about anyone else but yourself, before you take that job miles away, decide to venture into business or just splurge; such will change few years down the line with a couple kids and a spouse, 

3. The Health

You attract what you are. The last area to work on while single is one’s health. When single, one has less responsibilities compared to the married couples and parents. This the time to set a standard for the type of life you want to live and the quality of life you want to sustain.  So it’s important to take care of your emotional, physical and mental health.I, for one, rely on music, spirituality and sleep for my mental health. There is nothing like a 15 hours night sleep. This is the type of thing I am not so ready to compromise in the future, hence single does it for me right now thank you. 

Additionally, set the tone for others: don’t hold on to those who project negativity or those who try to pull you down, miss them with the ignore button and keep it moving. Don’t even engage in such foolery; do not give them the time and day to participate in unnecessary drama.

In terms of emotional health, learn to be emotionally independent. Work on healing childhood wounds or other hurts and trauma you may have gone through. See someone, journal, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Forgive those who hurt you, including yourself. Learn the difference between being kind and being taken advantage of, the difference between compromising and complying. Leave the baggage behind and walk light.

 Lastly in terms of physical health, treat your body like a temple, mind what you put in it. Moisturize, hydrate and use the time you have to be active and fit. 

Keep a tunnel vision, breathe, stress not, fret not, worry not, it’s not a race or a competition! Enjoy being your own bae dammit!

Yours in satisfied singleness

Gladiators: Uzuri K&Y