The Purposelessness of perfection

During my first classes of sewing, I found myself battling with the perfectionist in me. Although, being a perfectionist may come in handy at times, it is also very distractive and destructive if not handled with care. I had to do a shirt’s cuff four times, until I got it right. Moreover, while I was inserting oversized sleeves onto the bodice, I couldn’t do it with accuracy. I started feeling overwhelmed by a feeling of despair and annoyance, as to why I couldn’t stitch the thing in a straight line and I was too tired to unpick it for the third time. In my despair I went to speak to my lecturer (a mighty woman of God with a heart of gold -if you dig deep enough to get to know her-). She is one of the most amazing humans I have ever come across. So I went to her in panic mode since the deadline was close and this sample wasn’t sewn to perfection. I felt defeated and told her how I thought that maybe I wasn’t good at this, maybe I wasn’t talented enough I should have stuck with Macroeconomics. She said ‘be careful about how you speak to yourself’. I took a moment to let that sink in. I mean I had been sewing for just 2 days, what did I expect?

There was perfectionism standing between me and my dreams. Perfectionism is an ill, a hindrance to progress. I found myself angry at myself for not being accurate, soon enough I was impatient and I let doubt creep in. The problem with zooming in on the negative is that you get stuck with a negative image of yourself. You zoom in on the weakness, obstacles and challenges. These feelings soon enough turn into doubts and doubts turn into fear. The moment fear succumbs your being, you are overwhelmed and life becomes a blur, and just like that you can give up on your dreams. Instead of giving into my fears, I decided to sew a top with no pattern. It wasn't perfect but for the sake of progress I did it. One has to conquer their fear of inadequacy and seize the opportunity when it presents itself.

Although practice makes perfect, even if you are a result driven person like me, there are a few life lessons to learn:

1. ·   It’s important not to undermine small beginnings- there lays the gold of knowledge from mistakes and the stamina of a dream chaser.
2. ·         It’s important to be grateful for the glass before you see it as half full or half empty.
3. ·         It’s important to not overlook small victories and milestones, be grateful for those.
4. ·         It’s important to not be scared to fail. Failure is part of the process, the earlier you conquer the fear of failure, the higher the chances of succeeding.
5. ·         Think of the most efficient way you can overcome a challenge instead of giving into panic and anxiety.
6. ·         Give it your all or don’t do it at all.
7. ·         If you have big dreams and aspirations, there shall never be perfect conditions. If you are to start losing weight, a business, quit a bad habit, break up with an abusive person, do it now.
8. ·         Be disciplined, self-control is crucial, join the army if need be (just joking).
9. ·         Break down your goals into short-term goals and work towards the big picture.
10. ·         Live one day at a time, just so you may not feel overwhelmed with the worries of tomorrow.
11. ·         Start small, start slowly, but start.
12. ·         Believe in your magic, a setback is not the end of your story.
13. ·         Like the little boy, in the bible, who fed 5000 men out of 5 loaves; do not despise your humble beginnings and what can come out of the little you have. 

Shirt: Thrifted

Blazer: Thrifted

Boots: Mr Price

                                                         Love and Light!!!

Little ties

He was my utmost desire

All that my heart could ever dream of or require

What a guilty pleasure

What a great mix of all that I like: a lil sarcasm, a lot of culture and his stature

He made it all make sense

A love where I didn’t have to be so tense

Every moment was filled with melodies of a passion so intense

He would stare at me,

His gaze so piercing I’d get lost in his eyes

As we smiled at each other and developed little ties

Oh what a liberating feeling it was, I felt so alive

What a joy to feel something so real, so pure and true

That it would ever be ruined, I had no clue

 I had to let go of him

I could no longer survive the empty promises

It felt like disrespect

A dose of repression, a dose of compromise and here we are packed on side effects

The chemistry was no longer sufficient for me to hold on to, disconnected

I couldn’t deny the fact that I was affected

As I faced the reality, I chose to let go of him

Be free from myself, my feelings and choose me over him

Blouse: The Fix ZA

Dress: The Fix ZA

Flats: The Fix ZA

Coat: Thrifted

Embrace

My body may have been beaten

Made were attempts to keep my spirit broken

But my soul remains unshaken

It breathes the air of life

And dances to the moving skies

Even in the drought, the river of love within me never runs dry

Yes I may encounter troubles and trials and cry

But it will never stop me from getting up and try

Sometimes I may even get it wrong, I may be hit to the curve and wonder why

But He sure hears my cry

So I will get up and keep on trying

I will do more than surviving 

I will enjoy the dance

I will grove to the beat of that inextinguishable source

I have found my freedom, I will nurture it in my embrace

I will walk at my pace

Oh with irrevocable, oh so noticeable grace

I will smile at my truth; let it shine through my face 

Hat: Foschini

Jeans: Cotton On

Boots: Forever 21

Style concept: denim on denim to display strength and perseverance, mixing black with blue for a ray of hope. The denim signifies the trials I face on daily, basis but manage to overcome, Basically, it's all about practicality and pragmatism.



                                         Love and Light!

Wardrobe Functionalities

Hello there!!!

Today's post is all about wardrobe functionalities: how to optimize the little space, the limited budget and get ready in seconds. One big misconception about fashion and style bloggers is that they have the biggest closets, overflowing with clothes, shoes and accessories. Is that the reality though? Nope, at least not mine! The trick is finding creative ways to make your wardrobe more functional!

For the case of an average college student, the wardrobe space is often very limited, or  if you live at home you most probably have to share the closet space with someone. Aside of the space issue comes the limited budget, which restricts you from shopping whenever you feel like a new cute outfit. Besides, why not save some money instead of buying all these clothes; which do not improve the functionality of your wardrobe, leaving you with plenty of clothes, a questionable bank balance and nothing to wear. Lastly, the impediment of a malfunctioning wardrobe is the time it takes to get ready. In order to save time, money and optimize space I have gathered a few tips and tricks on how to organize your wardrobe, in a more efficient way. 

There are multiple ways to go about the organisation of your wardrobe. I use four ways to group my clothes so that I may know where I find what. 

1. Hang the garments according to their length. 

2. Hang the garments according to the colors or prints (monochrome vs floral).

3. Hang the garments according to their style/silhouette/fit (clothes of the same category/family)

4. Hang the garments according to their functionality/use or texture (all leather garments  vs black leather jacket)

After this little demonstration, one could argue that it's hard to maintain the wardrobe this organised, especially given the fact that 24 hours are just too little hours a day, for all that we ought to do on a daily basis. 

Well, in order to keep this level of visibility, it is always a great idea to check the weather for the next day and prepare the outfit the night before.Obviously I haven't always been this organised in life. However, once I tried to make my wardrobe more functional and increase visibility, I managed to get ready in 20 minutes instead of an hour (I know you could use those extra minutes to catch up with some sleep). The increased visibility allows me to find things quicker, making the pairing and matching of items easier and  faster.  i hope that it helps you too. 

Love and Light!

A Freak’Occidental, coincidental or accidental?

Born and bred in Africa, raised occidental, The Freak’Occidental was a freak of nature. The Freak’ Occidental was birthed and nursed by a lady with an afro, wearer of floral prints and Bob Marley avid listener. The lady with the afro was born a little before her time; the delivery stork might have delivered her in the wrong era. At the ripe age of 20 something, the lady with an afro met a structured minimalist, from the same land. The minimalist dreamed international and spoke occidental. A coconut of some sort, he was a listener of Mozart and white golfer’s tee and preppy swagger type of guy. Both too expressive and passionate, their love was knitted with poetry, structure, hard work and ambition. He wrote her poetry, poetry that reflected her strong beliefs, driven spirit and warm heart.

Few years later, they gave birth to a ‘Freak’Occidental’. Born in Africa but raised Occidental. She was neither from here or there but she belonged. One birthed her but the other taught her all that she knew about life. In her mind it was simple, both worlds existed and no choice had to be made between the two. The Freak'Occidental was classified a misfit by the society she lived in. Like how dared she lack modesty and look a person straight into their eyes when conversing?  How could she be fluent, articulate and free to express her mind, but still be from the land?

Why was a queen expected to forge herself into forced humility, she asked herself? Could the land not produce queens that could lead the pack? After all, the afro lady, print wearer taught her emancipation and made her aware of the freedom to speak her mind. One thing she emphasised was that eclipsing one’s greatness did not make the stars shine brighter, ‘not a so bright of an idea baby’. Besides, the structured minimalist trained her to dream global and not be coerced by supremacy. Philosophical debates and questions about her opinion were her bed time stories. It’s all she was ever taught, all that she ever knew.

Funny enough, the minimalist and the floral prints wearer looked puzzled by the flower child. They were challenged by the product of their teaching, reproaching her for being too opinionated, stubborn, and too free to survive in the land.  What an impersonation of their truth, what a perfection of their belief-as scary, as ugly, as bunt, as real as it could be; they now sought to soften her edges to ensure that she could thrive in the land. But the Freak-Occidental grew to be a wild flower, one eager to follow unexplored paths to find the boundary less way to her soul. Her soul was the only place that did not require her to be identified but allowed her to just be. The only place where mighty mindful melanin was not a shocking factor, and expression and femininity were not mutually exclusive.

So she went on to create her own world, where other Feak’Occidentals could be free to be. A bubble, where there was no need to impress or be acknowledged by the locals, foreigners or the travelers. In that world, there was no need to explain how greatness was birthed at home and should be appreciated as such and not seen as impressive or shocking. In that world, there was no need to fake humility or altering their persona to fit in, just to prove that they belonged to the land. All that mattered was to simply enjoy the freedom to be all that they could be and wander the land without a need to be labelled or fit into a category. The only box that the Freak'Occidentals ticked was FREE. 

White blouse: The Fix

Print Top: Aella (made by me)

Brogues: The Fix

Rat Race

She stood up and walked to the mirror

Desperately looking for herself, where had she gone, was it all an error?

Faint, fragile, void settled in her realm. Filling her being with nothingness that tuned into terror.

Wast it just a moment of panic, she asked herself, as she felt staleness consume her.

She did miss those moments of plain joyful stillness.

Moments where there was no need to please, to convince or even impress.

Only if she could find an escape from herself. A recess!

She looked deeper into herself.

Looking at her face,

It all felt out of place.

Eager to keep up with the pace,

She lost who she was in this rat race.

Funny how even the tears and sweat didn't calm all the fears.

Foes and fears that were justified.

But perhaps shouldn't be gratified.

After all she had given it her all, putting it all at the first place.

The air tightened up around her, where was she being led?

Were all these steps leading to nowhere land, invalid?

When did she even become timid?

When did the lil fire dim so low to become a fading memory?

A memory far from how she envisioned her new reality to be.

No longer vivid.

Plainly livid.

She longed for the time she was so sure, so lucid.....

But what is there to look forward to, if you don't throw yourself in the deep and learn how to swim?

What is there to look forward to if you don't jump off the cliff and learn how to fly young girl?

Dress: The Fix (made in South Africa for the win)

Jacket: YDE (Amber)

Thigh High Socks: Woolworths

Boots: Cotton On

Hat: Mr Price

Jewelry: The Fix 

Agent Provocatrice: I ain't sorry

"I ain't sorry ni**a, nah!" Yes, I am very much referring to Lemonade. Yes Bey done gave me all the creative juices I needed. What an album and film people!!! It evoked and awakened all these emotions I am sure every woman can relate to, at one point or another. One song that stood out for me was 'Sorry'. Although its title sounds apologetic, it meant the opposite to me. It meant that women, more specifically Black women, ought to stop apologizing for being who they are and how they were created. 

More often than not, we, Black women are born and bred in misogynistic and repression preaching societies. These type of societies are driven by the male ego, which needs rubbing and yes Sir's for 'its survival' and apparent well being. The same  societies teach women to keep quiet, to be ever lovely and pleasing, smile at all times, act dumb because apparently it's the only form in which pretty comes in (rolling my eyes ).

 In my opinion, Sorry is here to teach us women to say no to being sized up, pinned up, criticized, modified into dolls. We are not dolls, we are not meant to be dolls; we are living and breathing creatures with a voice we need to make more use of, with feelings that need to be considered and emotions that need to be protected. We are not here to merely please, but to be pleased as well. 

The song invokes, in me, the need to reject normalcy and embrace originality. Embrace the fact that I am a limited edition, one that is wonderfully and fearfully made. A being that does not have to be politically correct to appease the apprehension and anxieties of the male or anyone else for that matter. A being that does not have to be subjected to what society says I ought or not ought to be. One that does not have to wear heels in order to be more lady like or less expressive to be sweet enough for society's taste. If having an opinion, seeking financial independence and stability before companionship, standing firm in my belief, being strong willed and driven are man-repellers, so be it. I ain't thinkin' 'bout you and I ain't sorry!

When it's not a matter of repressing self expression, it's a matter of emotional regression. Apart of the fact that apparently Black women are feisty, we are supposedly the epitome of strength. False resilience portrayed in the acceptance  of BS, smiles and long silences; because 'maintaining the peace' is far more important than self-respect. Yet the need to acknowledge our vulnerability, humanity and emotions is far more urgent than ever. 

It's in the same spirit of emotional regression that victims of sexual abuse and assault are asked what they were wearing when the incident happened. As if the role of the offender is reversible or exchangeable. 

So basically the lessons taught in the society are that: you don't cry, the only way to be strong is to keep quiet and smile through the agony. But wait, who said that we were emotional Hercules under all that choco? 

Sadly, it's in the same tone of  denial that we forgive and overlook abuse; because well, if you look hard enough he loves me. But love doesn't hurt. It doesn't. If there are sacrifices to be made, they are not intended in that way. And no, a man is not a dress that you can alter to fit you. So walk away without being apologetic about your decision. 

So let's stop making excuses for wrongdoers and for our bad decisions, and move forward. Forward with more self awareness and respect for our emotions, thoughts, opinion and feelings. Do not give time to those who question your dread locks and afros, and why it's not straight. Have no time for those who call you lazy, because you are curvy or question your blackness because you are thin. Neither should we be apologetic about choosing a road less traveled. We, Black women, have the right to occupy the earth and enjoy the resources as much as any other being. The difference is that we ought to want to and work towards writing a different and better story for ourselves.  

Let's raise a sisterhood that allows each flower to bloom. Let's allow ourselves to be free, free from comparison and full of compassion. Free to be vulnerable, free to express ourselves, free to demand respect and appreciation. Refuse to be ill treated, gain all the strength to choose yourself. Even if your story hasn't been a good one, make it a good one. Put some RESPECK on your name girl!

Style inspo: the 1990s. 

Jacket: Thrifted

Tee: Bello Diamond (it has a zip at the back, talk about edge suhn!)

Culottes: Mr Price

Heels: Madison 

Love and Light!