When wearing my Nneka Pants

I am

I just am!

- Mayday Martina

Own it!

Hello Beautiful Beings!!

So today I want to talk about healing. 

We have all been hurt in one way or another, being it emotionally or physically. Sometimes some wounds deeper than others, some cases more traumatic than others. Whatever the case, I just want to take a moment to honor the process of healing. Talking from the lessons I recently learned, there is no way the healing process can begin if I don't honor and respect my pain. It may sound outrageous and for some no such things has ever been heard. 

By honoring and respecting your pain, it's no pity party being thrown or a sad mellow session; it's much more about acknowledging that you are hurt and being honest to yourself about it.It also isn't an opportunity to shift the blame, but much more about opening our eyes to our own role in the messes we personally put ourselves through. Feeling all things so deeply is really the first treatment to the pain(in fact growing up I remember to confide in whoever was there at the moment that I wished I was made out of steel or a tree because I wouldn't have to feel all things so deeply). In any case, avoiding the pain is simply adding to the infection and the day the volcano will erupt, not only will you have gotten the load heavier, you'd have consciously adhered to silent and slow mutilation of the precious being that you are. You and your pain deserve to be honored. 

Recovery is not about how fast you will get up or avoiding the matter. It is all about how well and truly you recover. I realized how important it was to take a step back, give myself a lil time to acknowledge that yes I was hurting, whether the pain was self inflicted or whether the offence came from an outside source. Identify how you feel, ad why you feel how you feel and where it came from and say yes, this sucks, I am hurt (because..) and then own it, own it, make it yours. While you make it your own and should you have a part in it. Own your mistakes and be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself from letting down yourself. 

Additionally, I learned that owning and honoring my pain did not mean that I have to give into desperation or giving up on myself. I stress not giving up on the self strongly, because the self is all that cannot be stolen or taken away from you when all else does. You can give up on a job, a relationship and anything else that harms you or does not allow you to grow in anyway, what gots to go gots to go honey, pronto! There is no way you, I can heal if we make no space for it, if we hoard the negative energy whether its from an outside source or ourselves. If it is not helping us to grow or to go through the process of healing, it has to go. This leads to the next point I want to talk about.

It is important to take ownership of our pain, whatever wound it is, you ave to embrace the fullness of it: name and make it yours. It is important to realize that as much as we may need a trusted person to walk with us through the process, ultimately we are the one to heal and to fight for ourselves. It's not anyone's duty to learn the lesson you have to learn or make it through for you. The fixing is in your hands. God can change things for you, someone can help you get to some realizations, but the healing is yours to do. To do! 

It's an active step  not a passive one. Just like most women and girls (including myself), we often made/make the mistake to do the healing  or the fixing in someone else's life, yet it is never our responsibility to fix or heal anyone. Yes it is in our nature and it is good to love someone and nurture, however it is not our duty or responsibility to do the healing for someone else. It's crucial to not get addicted to being needed or survive on faint edification that wear us down. My point is, if you have not created a human being, how can you fix it without confusing it. If you are not the creator, you are not the fixer.  You can just be a companion, hold someone's hand but it's their duty to reach within themselves and resolve it themselves. 

Lastly, even when we think we have healed and survived, we get to a moment where we feel stuck and sometimes we do not know why. This pretty much is how I felt for the past weeks until I had to do some serious work on the self. I realized that I made it through the fire, burnt but not destroyed, I was in the deepest water but I did not drown. Okay, so why do I still feel overwhelmed? I realized that I felt overwhelmed because of fear and worry, because I kept on dragging the hurt and the wounded self with me, the bad memories and defined myself by it, a victim forgetting that I am mostly a survivor. 

Scared to death that history may repeat itself, I made sure to engrave all the symptoms and signs etc. of how it all begins,  where it may come from, not realizing that my safety net and cautious strategy was simply a trap. A trap that ca start by fear, grow as bitterness and end up to a hopeless case. Telling myself that yes I deserve a better future, yet believing the opposite. There was no way things could get better, if in my mind all things ended up badly anyway.  This trap that held me so tight, had me trying to figure out how to gauge the risk from each corner but most importantly, I gave into the foolishness of believing that I may have such powers. 

I am no super woman and in fact it's not my job to gauge all risks. It's God's job, not mine.

 I may fix boundaries and try to limit the damage or entertain anything that is not good for my soul. But I cannot save myself from everything and everyone at all times. I can only work on my healing and therefore my reaction to what life will throw at me. I can work on understanding that the whole world is not out there to harm me, that I may get dissapointed and it's okay, I can get hurt again too by something different. 

What matters is that I will survive it too, like I survived the other things before. Like Sarah Jakes Roberts says it " you have to let go of the teacher, in order to learn the lesson and grow". So dust your crown little lady, feel it, weep for yourself, nurse your own brokenness. Then get up and feed your faith, and keep going towards your better future, even if you don't see the light; the future will show up for you, if you show up for yourself. 

Side note: Yes, I love the new movement of wearing button down shirts backwards. When my model accepted to adhere to my madness, my heart skipped a bit. I believe in the renaissance of all things. It's about time classic items get to be spiced up a lil bit and be worn and viewed from a different perspective!

Anywho more strength, courage and healing to you all!

Shirt: Banana Republic

Pants: Woolworths

A million complexities

Hello beautiful beings!!

This October, EverydayAella is graced by the beauty that is my soul sister. I felt like her style fits so well with spring, because in my eyes she is all things warm, pure and simple,...So I asked her to write something, but she said that I could pen her down, speak from the heart and introduce her through my eyes. So there goes a million complexities.

A million complexities

We are at the extreme polarities

I am all things bold and loud, you are sophisticated in all simplicity

But as much as I think I could describe you, you never cease to enhance my curiosity

You cannot be defined, even if we had all infinity

We see all our difference and complexities like no infirmity

But celebrated unity in all respect of individuality

Rebuked conformity

I appreciate the fact that we strive to conserve and base"us"on friendship and love labeled with purity and dignity

You are beauty in it's natural form

What's beautiful about you is that you exude it in all silence

No need to shout from the roof top or over do it, you are magnificence 

You are the mirror to the sun child that I am

Moon child, you soothe all the burning fire in me coming like a storm

You whisper "breathe" when I can't take it anymore and say hey we are in this together, here I am

I love that you do not entertain my insecurities

Instead your love, strong stares and nods take out some of those self-inflicted impurities

I am glad that you are an island, a destination I got the chance to reach

A refuge where I found myself, and with wisdom I got enriched

God must have known that my mother wouldn't bear no other daughter

So He gave me you

I am glad a have a safe place, I am glad I have you

You help me grow, you help me heal, you help me be me

your lil light beams on me

Soul sister, never stop being you, for in you I see me

#Jumpsuit: YDE

#Gladiators: Steve Madden