Had you asked me in 2000, I would have said that by now, we would be flying in cars and not driving them, clones would be approved by whatever scientific institution; the decade would simply come in full swing and abundance. We really didn’t know wagwan in 2000, when the millennium started, and we thought it was going to be a smooth one from now on. Global focus went on consumerism, competition and complaining. We were set in our comfort of having a relatively good life and amazing prospects, and so much certainty about our jobs, health, livelihoods and the state of the world as progressive. We were set honey, in a prison of what we deemed possible but set, nonetheless.
Wowuuuuuuuu, wululuuuuuu – behold 2020 that simply came to awaken us to the realization that all we thought we were sure we owned or had, simply was an illusion and really let’s gather and collect our 3-5 years plans and laugh in harmonious decibels or consortium of clowns.
To most, this year is one they want to send back to sender or manufacturer. One that will have asterisks on all economic reports and trends, because this shock was neither man made, a debt euphoria, oil crisis or from the financial sector, but it did hit all economies (large or not). It is also a year we have had to really question the state of humanity and its progressiveness as well as consciousness or lack thereof. Like what the fuck is actually going on with the little egos of white supremacists bursting wild and focused so much on their frailty that they impose themselves as the default and standard at Clicks in South Africa or also idolise themselves into gods so much so that they treat black life as disposable in the USA. Instead of appreciating the beauty in the diversity of planet earth and the human race, yt supremacist are so fixated on their complex of inferiority left unattended to then have them act a mess in these streets.
2020 has also been the year of great loss in all its aspect, loss of great humans like Dj Miller or Chadwick Boseman. It has also been the year of degrading global health. Mental health being in jeopardy all over the world. Physical health deteriorating even if you only drank green juice to stay alive and occasionally munched on a carrot, ran 200 miles a day and meditated 2 hours in the morning and at night. So, whether your health, economic situation, your looks, connections and whatever else was saving the day, Covid has been upon us to remind us what truly matters. It was there to remind us how nothing is in our control. It showed us the illusion of ownership when you may have lost your job and couldn’t sell an asset to make your ends meet. It showed how flawed human interaction is when people were forced to stay together 24/7 and got each other’s demons hollering instead of appeasing each other. 2020 really showed how chaos have reigned for too long and the need for collective rest, reset and healing.
When it comes to my personal journey, 2020 has been a pivotal year. It has ignited a catalytic transformation through pain. It is the year that all the losses culminated into one and all the alarms went off, and nothing made sense for a good moment. It is the moment I almost lost it all and realized what actually remained when all else sheds. It brought me back to the essence of my being and what matters when I need not an identity or a box to check, when I have no affirmation or consolation through the external gaze and accolades. This year pushed me to find inner peace and find home there.
This year led me to me, led me home, set me free. For that reason, it provided me with clarity, so it will be one for the books. 20-20 vision or vision 2020. This one, I will always remember because it made me responsible for my own healing and my own wellbeing, more than never before. It made me powerful because I found the inextinguishable source within. A source that doesn’t rejuvenate from nothing else but stillness, because now my understanding is that my worth is not attached to anything at all but its present experience.
I found freedom in transcending all the worst fears that happened. With each fear beginning in dreams, ending in up happening in real life. I realized that fear just bound me into shackles, because what is meant to happen, happens any way. I found freedom in that. I found rest as well. I found rest in signing off of anything that wasn’t necessary. I found rest in being rather than doing. I found rest in honoring myself. Instead of continuously pouring into cups that were perforated that could never be filled or reach satiety. I’d be thinking that I am doing my very best – yet contributing to my erasure. So, I shook off all of that ultimately self-imposed pressure and decided to replenish from within, by making myself a priority. So, 2020, you were a shitshow but yet you have been my year, for that I am grateful for the pivotal change that occurred within. Enkosi kakhulu! Now, Alexa please play Jimmy Cliff – I Can See Clearly Now.
