I got introduced
to feminism at age 15, in Philosophy where I read The Second Sex by Simone de
Beauvoir and found it to be such a compelling rhetoric and view of life. I had finally found a theory that narrated all that I believed in and put words to my beliefs
– equality and justice for all, starting by addressing power dynamics between
women and men, and shedding light on the violence women experience without wanting to replace men and create a new form of oppression. To me the focus has always been freedom, liberation not power traps and thirst which eventually end up delivering the same oppression we oppose. Without knowing it, I had always identified as a feminist and
adhered to feminist politics; not only because I am fondly passionate about women, femmes and GNC emancipation but also because I have a thirst for justice, equality and
equity – for all.
In my journey as
a feminist, based on personal experiences that assigned trashiness to the male
gender -at birth; I was utterly convinced that men were and have always been
the problem. I didn’t care about anything in the lines that there could be good
men. I could not be told anything – men were trash period. Whether guilty of
misusing their powers and privileges or not, I didn’t care men were trash.
I looked at
patriarchy not as a system of oppression we should abolish but as every male
simply roaming the earth - henceforth, any individual male was a danger or
potential danger. Why you would ask? Because a system is made up of individuals who feed and keep that system going. Thus the root cause was those feeding into this system - hence men. I could never fathom or think that any man or male
identifying person could be a kind and fair person. I could never fathom or
believe that anyone could feel safe in the presence of a man or not be swallowed
up in some manly egotistical - power struggle-trip to prove a point just because
of their male gender which provides them with privileges and powers in the
society we live in. Toxic masculinity was all I associated to the male gender. I
felt that given their power and privilege they would only and naturally tend towards abuse.They were the devil, that’s it and maybe the earth had to be made of women only and GNC folks, for a more liberated, loving and safer world (how idealistic, don't judge).
Low and behold, life taught me a few lessons that compelled me to reevaluate my views. I had a first taste with a horrible female boss in 2018 aka Cruella De Ville. And then, I had a taste of a supposed feminist ex-girlfriend - aka first female president of the dustbins. Then concurrently being mistreated through medical malpractice and poorly trained therapist in 2019-2020. When all of those experiences culminated this year, I awakened to the reality that women too were trash and can be a danger, in reality. And wiping off men from the face of the earth wouldn't solve the issue around violence, evil and oppression.
I think having experienced these three individuals, as a feminist, put
under so much violence by three women; I got confronted with the need to
re-evaluate my view of trashiness. Is it that I was regurgitating what I see,
experienced and hear and read about men – MEN ARE TRASH! Or is it that
trashiness is in everyone and has no gender but rather it’s about what people
do in general? How they use their platforms, privileges and powers? How they
treat others and feed into oppression and perpetuate injustice or violence? How people
perpetrate and perpetuate violence covertly and overtly for their personal
gains – therefore and ultimately feeding into the system?
In my
questioning, I found issues with patriarchy as a system yes, a system which birthed so many other forms of oppression - capitalism, sexism, racism and so many other isms. But in finding the answers,
I realized trashiness isn’t assigned a gender at birth. Trashiness is a defect found
in anyone who perpetrates and perpetuates violence and oppression using their
own power, intentionally and purposefully for their own benefit - for the benefit of greed or ego. If we
think about it, without universalizing personal experience nor jumping onto the
bandwagon of group thinking, everyone is trash. Everyone has the ability to be
trash within them. All genders are able and capable of violence and feeding
into the system of oppression, violence and injustice.
It’s more a matter of calling out trashiness where we observe it, seeking justice for all and doing what is right for all. It’s also a matter of awakening to see that we too have flaws and we too can cause suffering. It’s in recognizing that humans as a collective are the biggest danger to themselves. Because, every person oppressed has the capability of replicating oppression too, perpetuating violence too. It would be absurd to overlook same sex violence among same sex couples, to overlook violence among black people, to overlook violence among colleagues who are female, to overlook violence among families perpetrated by mothers, aunts, sisters and cousins, violence between wives of a home and their maids, nieces and adopted girl children, because it is there. It exists and thrives if we take our eyes off of it and assign trashiness to the male gender only – we are omitting an existing sad reality.
In our quest for
justice, we shouldn’t be too self-righteous to a point where we radicalize our
fight against the system and overlook those who also contribute to its violence
regardless of their gender. Patriarchy princesses and pick me’s are not always the
women appealing to the male gaze. At times some women are simply oppressors
themselves in their own power and wherever their privileges reach or wherever
they have an opportunity to perpetrate and perpetuate violence.
So, in the aim to
build and transform our societies, there is a need for a mental shift. One that
starts by questioning the status quo, the status quo of our core beliefs and
practices. From there, to continuously re-evaluate what it is we believe and
what it is we are doing, in the hopes and works to change things and remain
accountable, starting by being accountable to ourselves. In the hope that we practice what we preach
and align the both of them, in the aim to not feed into superiority complexes,
coercion or anything that goes against the freedom we so fight for.
